Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Wanted: good thoughts and prayers :)
Unlike the majority of my posts that are funny and light-hearted, this one will probably suck. I am feeling very low today, rather depressed. I don't know who might read this but if at all possible could you send me some well wishes? I feel sad, angry, frustrated and confused about my life. All the blogs that I seem to read are of seemingly perfect families with wonderful husbands and always behaving and obedient children. I know that everyone has their ups and downs. I just feel stuck in a bad place right now. Not in love, not always respected as a parent. I have had clinical depression in the past and sometimes feel like "not being here" anymore. I have talked with my Mom and she has tried to help with words like "turn the negative into a positive" or to pray about it. I wish I was in that state of mind but I can't see through this right now. I have been arguing with my oldest about his failing grade and I feel disrespected. I try to help but just come off as a pain to him. I don't know what to do. It is so easy to post a joke or picture but another thing to be honest and it is kind of scary not knowing what complete strangers will think if you open up. There are people in my life that I miss. People I would like to be closer to. I would like to have a best friend. I would like to have a purpose in life. I would like a loving and happy husband who I can trust. I would like to be a great Mom. I have 4 children that I would like to raise happy and healthy and well adjusted. I feel like I am going through the motions day by day but never happy. I know that God gives me the opportunity to start new each day. If you have any words of wisdom could you please share them? Thank you
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8 comments:
I am so glad I could be of any help. Life is not always as I would like it either--I'm a divorced orphan for crying out loud :)!--but there is still sooooo much to be grateful for. I am not one of those "so happy I make you sick" types, but I do treasure life. I pray the blessing of hope comes into your life, and then that that hope gives way to joy.
Here are words to a favorite song of mine that I often sing to myself when things seem bleak: "If you feel trapped withing a never-ending night. If you've forgotten what it feels to feel the light. And if you're half-crazy thinking you're the only one who's afraid the light will never really come. Just hold. Hold on. The light will come".
Hold on.
Love to you,
~Jennifer P.
I don't know how much help I can be, but I know how you feel.. Well in a way. I have battled depression most of my life. Having someone to talk to helps, even if its just a blog, like this. I try to keep my blog fun and carefree, but there are time I feel the need to pour my heart out as well.
You just have to keep your chin up. I know, thats not what you want to hear, but thats what always helps me. You just gotta believe it will get better.
I hope you get to feeling happier and loved. Your blogger friends ♥ you!
Thank you for your support!! :)
I stopped by to say thanks for popping in on my Christmas home tour today. And I think God sometimes guides us in certain ways. I have recently begun anti-depressants to help me deal with the day to day frustrations and lows I have recently had as a mother! I, too, sometimes feel that it would be difficult to put something like this out there. I don't really have much advice or wisdom other than to say...DON'T GIVE UP! God never gives us more than we can handle and although it may seem that it is more than you can handle...he is there watching out for you! Hang in there and know that the blogging world can be a real support to vent to! We're here to listen! So, I am sending out a little bloggy Christmas hug! I hope the days ahead start to look a little brighter!
Lori,
You are not alone in your feelings. There are cycles in our lives...like seasons. However, if you experiencing clinical depression, I encourage you to seek out medication, counseling, or a combination of both. The medication can help you deal with the symptoms while the counseling can help you sort out the root causes. Depression runs in my family but it can be lessened if you are open to help. I hope that you continue to post things like this. This is what blog friends are for...to provide understanding, support, and encouragement! I'm glad to know you!
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
Amy
Dear Lori~
Why am I here? You posted me a little visit from SITS, and I followed you home! But I think it was divinely ordered, really.
I have one of those perfect-little-family blogs that you were mentioning... But here's the thing. It really is perfect. We haven't had a paycheck in 8 months, I lost a baby 4 months ago, I have had 4 surgeries in 3 months, our car is getting reposessed tomorrow (not kidding), I am in constant pain, my 7-year-old daughter is in constant pain, our health insurance was cancelled, my 10 year old is a genius and doing poorly at school, we recently gave our office building back to the bank because our business is dieing and now I share my home with my husband and his 5 other employees 12 hours a day, tomorrow is our last day of preschool because I can't pay for it any longer, we haven't had fresh milk in 4 weeks, I had less than $100 in my Christmas budget for my family of 5, I'm out of printer paper... Now this list could really go long, so I will stop. However, when I said that my life is perfect, I meant it.
Something clicked with me in the past few years and I began to understand much about my suffering and have come to be grateful for these hard times. At the same time I became aware of constant little miracles in my life. Those little evidences of God's love for me were always there, I just was blinded by depression and anxiety and couldn't see them.
Here are some things that have changed me:
1. prayer. (I already offered one up for you, and will continue to do so). Communicating with the Lord in behalf of myself and others, and having others pray for me as well. I am no longer afraid to ask for help as a result.
2. attending church and studying scriptures. I know that that could potentially sound very "holier than thou," but it isn't meant to. I find that going to church helps me feel hope, and studying scriptures helps me understand the Lord's will for me, which gives me understanding and opens my eyes to blessings.
3. service. The most helpful thing for me to do for myself is to extend myself to others. Truly this is healing me more than anything else. I am dead-broke, but I still have time to watch a friend's children for free. I am in pain, but I still help a friend whose child is battling cancer to clean her home while she is at the hospital. I have found that even when I am destitute in money, I am rich in things to do and ways to serve.
4. Stay active. It doesn't cost anything to organize a closet. It doesn't take much time to read to my children. There are so many good things to fill my time, and prioritizing them and accomplishing them helps us feel good about ourselves and our lives.
5. Change me, and it changes how others treat me. When I became more happy and grateful, my family became more happy and grateful toward me. It was gradual, but well worth the wait.
Okay, that's about all I have to offer... at least in this little comment box. But I hope that it helps. I'll be thinking of you. Feel joy, Lori. Feel joy.
Bloggy love,
Trish
I am so touched by all of you special ladies that are helping me through this. You are a blessing to me. :)
I'm praying for you. It's so easy to get down on ourselves. I've battled negative self-talk before. it's a hard battle to fight, but so worth it. I hope things will start to look better to you soon!
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